Trauma and Loss in Santa Rosa - Counselor

When we experience a trauma, something happens to us that shocks and disturbs us so profoundly that we are unable to cope. Anything that causes us to be in danger or peril has the potential to produce a psychological trauma. Trauma's can be created through the experience of natural or man-made disasters, accidents, violence (experienced or witnessed), domination by someone more powerful, isolation, or death of a loved one. They can be caused by a one-time event or repeating events. Traumatic events can damage psychological development in children and mental/psychological functioning in adults. Trauma not only evokes debilitating fear, but also grief, rage, helplessness and unbearable aloneness.

If you experienced a trauma or loss as a child, and received timely and consistent support, care and information from an adult in your life, your trauma probably got resolved. If you didn't receive such care,you were pretty much on your own to deal with something quite overwhelming. The trauma may have informed your behavior and beliefs about yourself, others and the world in detrimental ways. You may have developed coping strategies that supported you at the time, but over time have compromised the quality of your life.

Here's what happens: When something really bad happens and we feel powerless or unable to control our environment or our future, we create a psychological strategy to protect ourselves. These are called defenses. Defenses are not bad things; without them, we literally couldn't function.

The bad news is that these defenses can interfere with our quality of life, with our ability to love and be loved, our ability to pursue goals and experience self worth.

In therapy, my job is to help you work through or around these defenses, gently, compassionately and tenaciously, so that you can know and express your real nature - who you really are undistorted by limiting defenses.

I do this by helping you connect with yourself in as honest and real a way as possible. I will also help you connect with me as honestly as you can. I don't do this so you will become dependent on me, but in order to provide you with a secure relationship with me, to do the work you came to do. In order to make inner changes, we need to feel very safe or our nervous systems will fight the changes. As we create safety together, we can tend to the fear, undo aloneness and allow your grief to unfold. Your emotions are part of your healing. I won't allow them get too overwhelming, nor will I let them hide out; you need them so that you can free yourself to be yourself.