Are you an engaged couple, planning to marry? Congratulations! Our decision to marry and form a committed, life union with another is one of the most important decisions of our lifetime. The fact that you are planning to marry implies that you are happy in your relationship and anticipate a long, successful and joyful union. What an odd time to pursue counseling sessions... right? In actuality, this is very promising time to deepen your understanding of yourself, your partner and your relationship. Your future together deserves every safeguard and preparation so that the two of you can create a union that enfolds you each in optimal safety, trust, security and joy.
Why attend counseling now when things are going well?
Currently, the strength and resilience of your relationship have more momentum than the disappointments, resentments and negative patterns. You've probably heard the divorce statistics - over 50% of the marriages in the US end up in divorce. These are not reassuring statistics! The average length of marriage is six years. These numbers tell us that many couples are not prepared to deal with marriage.
Findings also show that couples who participate in premarital counseling report a 30% stronger marriage than other couples. The data suggests that there is an optimal window of opportunity for premarital counseling. The advantageous window spans the year preceding the wedding and the first six months after the wedding. Stress, disappointments and resentments can fester and create habituated negative relationship patterns over time. Premarital counseling can help you avoid the negative patterns that can erode the foundation of your bond.
About safety and trust
When we feel safe, we thrive. When we don't, we simply try to survive. Your relationship will thrive if each of you feels safe, secure and loved. Without such safety, your relationship will struggle, doing well to merely survive. When safety and trust are in place, not only does your relationship thrive, you create an environment for you each to flourish individually as well.
Safety and trust have the potential to become fragile when we are scared, angry, distant, moody, disappointed and stressed. No matter how solid your relationship is, nobody escapes the difficult moments; they are a given. While you may be able to steer away from many of the rough waters, there are some that you will hit. Our work together will teach you how to navigate such waters with care, and if there is a capsize, you will learn how to get to shore and repair the damage. Together we will build the solid ground from which your union can grow and flourish.
You will learn...
... how to create a relationship that has a high level of safety and trust. This requires intention, skill and emotional flexibility. Our work together will teach you:
* How to minimize insecurity and create safety for your partner.
* How to fight well and smart. I'm not taking about avoiding the fights or making pseudo agreements to keep the peace. Disagreements happen in the best of marriages; they are necessary for you and your relationship to evolve and deepen. However, fights are either destructive or constructive.
Destructive fights cause brittleness in a relationship; constructive fights affirm a relationship's flexibility and strength.
* How to be with yourself and your partner when he/she is in the throes of a difficult mood or emotion.
* How to maintain your close connection with one another in the midst of busy and challenging lives.
I would be delighted to work with you to help you create the foundation for your love to grow ever deeper, richer and stronger.
Take some time to contemplate your situation. If you feel that you would like to meet me and see if therapy might be helpful for you, I offer a free 50 minute consultation. That will give you a chance to meet me, ask questions and we can each get a sense of what it would be like to work together.
If you'd like to speak with me or make an appointment, please call at 707-792-2654.